So I feel like I’ve taken quite a big step recently. I’ve taken a bit of a risk and lifted a weight off my shoulders.
The blog has been on the go for 5 months now and people are still reading and thankfully people are getting in contact with me and I’m meeting some cool new friends in the process. One of these new friends in particular has been like a breath of fresh air to my whole messy world and I’m very grateful for it.
They decided to email me just over a month ago to offer some helpful relationship advice with regards to a thread I posted on my lady friend (http://thegungetank.tumblr.com/post/7239903511/the-mrs) and since then we have been talking back and forth, telling stories and sharing experience. I would now consider them a personal friend of mine.
The reason this feels like a bit of a big deal to me is because I’ve been part of the online wam community for the best part of 10 years now and those 10 years have been spent hiding behind false names and faces (this ground’s been well covered so lets not get in to it again) and only now have I summoned the cajones to be myself. This person now knows the real me, they know my name, they’ve seen my face, they’ve added me on Facebook and I’m talking about my actual real profile here (holeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee shit!) and believe me, it was quite a sureal experience just adding them to my friends list. I’m still waiting for the inevitable “Who is XXXX XXXXX?” to come from my girlfriend or my freinds - risky business!
Why trust them? Because they trust me. We both had the same amount to lose and probably figured that we had a lot to gain by being honest. That and the fact that we’ve both vowed to destroy the other person should they post some gunge related banter on the our wall.
It’s really great to have someone I know is real to talk to about this kind of stuff. It’s still an online friendship but it’s definitely the closest I’ve come to face to face contact with someone who has the same messed up thoughts as me and I think that’s pretty cool.
I haven’t stepped out of the wam closet, I just found out there was someone hiding in here with me buried under a pile of coats.
Be Excellent to each other!
So I think i might have mentioned in a previous post something about this.
I claim that nobody knows about my messy fetish (apart from my girlfriend knowing a tiny bit). But when I say nobody knows, I mean I haven’t told anyone. I have, however, been “found out.”
For my 18th Birthday, I had a party at my house with all my friends and family, a lot of them stayed over. That was on the Friday.
On the Monday, we were back at school and my friends have a new nickname for me. I don’t get it, but they keep calling me it, not in teasing sort of way or anything but it started to bug me what was going on so I called them on it.
It was at morning interval and we were in the common room, I was sitting with all my mates and pretty much all of them had been to my party. Boys and girls. The nickname was doing the rounds and I really wanted to know what was going on. I wish I’d never ask.
"You really want to know why we’re calling you it?" one mate asked.
"It’s to do with that box of weird porn we found in that box in your cupboard"
It actually knocked the wind out of me. I couldn’t speak. My mouth literally hung open as I tried to force an excuse out but I just couldn’t.
They quizzed me as to why all the girls were covered in what they thought was paint. I couldn’t even give an answer, I just wanted to curl up in a ball and die. All the guys were laughing about it, all the girls just looked at me with pity. One of my girl friends was actually horrified. She was a good Christian girl, you know, the type that are meant to forgive you for your sins. No words of comfort from her, just disgust, utter disgust to find out that one of her mates had a weird fetish. I’ll never forget the look on her face.
I guess things could have been worse. As much as my friends ripped me to shreds, they could have told several others, it could have spread around the school. Looking back on it now I’m amazed it didn’t.
8 years on and it still comes up every now and then and it doesn’t get any easier. They still laugh as if they’d just discovered my secret. All I can do now is blush and shrug my shoulders pretending not to care and hoping that the topic of conversation will soon change.
The worst of it is that one of my friends who takes delight in my humiliation came out as being Gay a short while after this happened. All of us were very supportive. Now, I would never have ridiculed anyway but I did feel like I was due to give him a bit of a ripping for it after what he put me through. But nobody did.
So I guess it’s easier to come out and be Gay than it is to have a fetish…
Six weeks in jail for throwing a foam pie? Whats that all about?
And if that’s the going rate for throwing a pie then think how much jail time some of us could be facing.
And don’t think you’re safe pie fans, apparently Murdoch didn’t even press charges, they just locked him up regardless. You could be shacking up with Andy Dufresne soon enough.
If someone was to pie me, I wouldn’t press charges, I’d give you a high-five, or a hug and maybe pour some custard in your pants.
If people resolved all their problems with pies instead of punches or lawsuits then the world would be a much better place!
If Jonnie Marbles ever runs for government then he’s got my vote!
So I was talking to someone about this a few weeks ago, thought I’d do a wee post on it. And this kind of ties in with the Kevin Bridges video I posted a while ago as well so… keeping a nice flow.
Basically, if I’m in a room full of people and something messy comes up in coversation, I tend to get a little bit paranoid. I immediately think that people can tell this weird thing they’re talking about is a fetish for me, one of them is going to stare right into my eyes and announce to the room “HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY LIKES THIS SHIT! LOOK AT HIS FACE TWITCHING!” and believe me it’s even worse when I’m with my closest friends who actually found a box of pRon in my cupboard on my 18th birthday and lets just say it wasn’t exactly Jugs Magazine. (That’s maybe another story for another day).
Having said that, when it comes to a one on one member of the opposite sex, things can get differ a little bit. It’s almost become like a game to me to see if I can casually drop wam into the conversation and see what kind or reaction I get. It’s risky (and I’ll explain the risk in a moment) but it can be quite exciting.
So I’ve done this with say… 5 or maybe 6 girls that I know and the results have been mixed. You’re having a conversation with them, (could be in the pub, could be on Facebook, whatever) and the conversation turns to TV shows, or things you used to watch when you were younger, or things you used to do when you were younger. I casually slip in…
"You know what? The best of them all was Fun House!"
This is a safe starting point because pretty much everyone in the UK born between 1980 and 1995 must have watched fun house at one point and I’ve never met anyone who didn’t like it, it’s the reason Pat Sharp is still such a popular feature at student nights. From a non wam point of view it was still a great kids show; there was mess, there were go-karts and at the end you basically got to run around a massive play area winning cool prizes and for the guys hitting puberty there were the twins.
"Yeah, I loved Fun House!"
Is usually the response
"I would have loved to have gone on that show"
"Really? But remember they always used to get gunged. You wouldn’t like that would you? What about your hair?"
Now you’ve pretty much started a conversation about wam with a member of the opposite sex. Some of them bite, some of them don’t. I’ve had everything from "when I was a kid, I always wanted to get gunged" to completely ignorning the statement as if it had never been said.
A girl I work with was proclaiming her undying her love for Noels House Party so I came back with
"Yeah, I remember Noels House Party, what a great show! Mr Blobby, Grab a Grand, Gunge Tanks…"
NOTHING, seriously, nothing!
I know, I know, this sounds totally weasle like, but if the conversation goes the way you want it to it can be really exciting. You get a rush of adrenaline and your heart starts pumping faster.
I have another friend, we were chatting on facebook one day, we were bored at work so we started asking each other pub quiz syle questions. I got more right than her so decided to tell her
"It’s just as well we’re not on a gameshow, otherwise I’d have just won a holiday and you’d be going in a gunge tank!"
Needless to say she loved that idea. Started joking around that i was being mean and that she was going to gunge me instead.
The risk I mentioned earlier comes into effect when you have a girlfriend who knows about your fetish and she could potentially know you’re talking to other girls about it. It’s pretty much like having your partner go through your phone and see you’ve been text flirting with that girl she met at the office picnic. I have a freind who loves fun house, and for the past year or so I’ve teased her about getting gunged. On her birthday, I decided to text her saying
"Happy birthday… blah blah blah… hope you get gunged!"
She decided to reply back on my facebook wall because her phone was knackered!
"thanks, but you’re the one who should be getting gunged"
I’ve never rushed to delete a comment so fast in my life because much like the Kevin Bridges video incident, it was in the public domain again. I was just waiting on one of my mates commenting on it saying
"Haha, remember we found that box in your cupboard on your 18th birthday…"
So, if like me you’re still pretty much in the closet about your wet and messy fetish then give this a try. It sounds trivial but it can be a good bit of harmless fun. Just don’t put yourself in an awkward position. Thankfully I deleted that message just in time, next time I may not be so lucky.
So I got asked a question by an anonymous poster today. They wanted to know if my girlfriend knew that I had this weird messy fetish.
The answer is yes, yes she does. Probably the tip of the iceberg stuff but you may be interested to know that I have gunged her.
We were going through a bit of a dry spell sexually and after a bit of a fall out she asked me what she could do to make things a little more exciting and that I must have some fantasy that she could play out. I don’t know whether her amazingly cool reaction when I told her was genuinely because she didn’t find it weird that I liked to see girls get messy or that she was just happy that she now had something she could do to really turn me on. But regardless, she suggested that I go shopping the next day and do whatever I liked with her.
So I went to the supermarket the next day. She still seemed really excited and up for it. Just got some custard and angel delight which she was fine with. Nothing extreme. Messed around and teased her for a little bit and then told her to strip off her clothes and get in the bath tub, which she promptly did.
I lifted the first jug of strawberry angel delight up above her head about to pour when her attitude immediately changed:
"It’s not going on my hair is it?"
**Girls and their hair! What’s the big deal? You wash it every couple of days anyway. It’s 9pm at night, you’re not going out anywhere, you can wash it off and dry your hair!**
Anyway, I pleaded with her to let me do it and she reluctantly agreed, but as soon as the gunge poured she squealed and giggled and it was magical! Could not have asked for a better response. Yes it’s a shock that you’re being covered in goo but no, it’s not unpleasant, it’s quite funny. It was amazing! I’ve never been so turned on in my life! After that she got the custard treatment and was having a great time splashing around in the tub and rubbing the goo over herself and tasting the pudding dripping off her face.
After I’d poured everything I had over her, I got in the tub too and we started kissing and I started running my hands over her slimy naked body which was just, um, like, the neatest thing in the whole wide world you guys! But she insisted that we got cleaned up and went to bed as the bath was far too small to get naughty in.
As I’m helping her clean up, she starts telling me all these things like;
"That was fun!"
"We can definitely do it again”
"I remember I used to watch those kids shows and think it would be fun to get all covered in stuff"
"I can’t believe it’s taken you so long to tell me"
"Next time, I’m not the only one getting messy" (this one was said with a cheeky wink by the way)
I would almost go as far as to say that those 4 or 5 phrases were as exciting as the gunging itself, just knowing that she’d had fun and that she didn’t think I was a freak and that it was definitely happening again was the cherry on a large cake (no pun intended).
So we finished up and went to bed and… you guys don’t get to hear about that bit.
I should point out that she was stone cold sober throughout all of this.
So after the amazing high came a gradual grinding low.
2 weeks later, I bought some green natrasol. Mixed it up and told her that one of us was getting covered later that night. The look on her face was one of disgust.
"There’s no way that’s going over me"
… and not even in a jokey way. She was serious. This was not happening. I waited until she was gone the next day and claimed I poured it down the sink.
Left it a while before trying again. This happened 2 or 3 years ago now and I’ve asked her a few times since then. All I ever get is a sigh or a huffy moan or a roll of the eyes and now i’ve just stopped asking. I’ve given up all hope of it ever happening again which is a crying shame because I know she enjoyed it last time, I don’t know how she could have forgotten that.
She will occasionally be drunk and horny and bring it up in coversation like she’s dangling a carrot in front of a donkey. She knows exactly what the thought alone does to me. She knows I don’t look at ‘regular’ porn. She knows I look at wam sites, even if she has never seen one herself.
I do love the girl, I’m still incredibly attracted to her, I’d never do anything to her that would make her uncomfortable. I just really want to see her messy again…
Hey, fuck it! At least I still have the whole thing on video ; )
Anonymous asked: Worded badly but I see EXACTLY where you're coming from. Its a very honest and good piece of writing. So good infact that I encourage you to start writing stories, particularly GYOB one. Anyway, yes sometimes I do. Does your girlfriend know of this fetish? If not, I am in the same boat as you
Thanks : )
Glad to hear someone got what I was getting at even though I sounded like a bit of a spaz.
I did do a bit of story writing back in the day but I just don’t have the time to do it now. Plus all my stuff was pretty predictable.
My girlfriend does know about the fetish although it doesn’t come up much. That’s maybe another post’s worth of stuff there…
It was announced on UMD on Tuesday that the gunge shop would be closing it’s doors.
"It is with great regret that we are closing the Gunge Shop. Having had our Ebay account limited as a result of issues with delivery and chargebacks etc we did all we could to get everything up and running again so you could still get your gunge at a good price. We even used Little Hayleys Ebay account for those who would not use our own store. Unfortunatly even after all of this we have had yet another complaint and dispute raised blocking funds as a result of an order taking 3 working days to be delivered !
I Can’t keep having to waste time chasing Paypal so we have decided to close.
I will of course still provide gunge for the producers we have been working with directly.”
Guys, if you are reading - This is very sad news and you will be missed. You provided most excellent slimy gooey gunge!
Wish you guys all the best in the future. May you continue to drop babes into your slop filled dunk tank!